How God’s Plan Guided Me – Part Of Sharing My Testimony!

The path that God prepared for me

In the last post I shared my testimony on how God’s plan guided me to go to Bali for my DTS. If you didn’t read it click here and check it out.

So I took that plane that took me to Bali. It was so scary because I was going to a place I’ve never been before. I was by myself and I didn’t know anybody there. I still remember that I thought that I didn’t want to do it anymore, but it was too late.

When I landed in Bali I felt very confused, I didn’t know where to go or what to do – I still laugh now remembering everything. I just started to follow what other people did. After that I got my suitcase, I followed the exit’s signs. Guys I’m telling you – it was super hot and I couldn’t keep my eyes open so I couldn’t see properly, I almost fainted. I knew someone was there to pick me up but I didn’t know who and I didn’t know what I was searching for. But now that I look back at it, it was a whole experience. 

I surprised myself a lot – I’m very shy but I was able to make friends very quickly. One of my biggest worries before I went there was to be alone because I didn’t know anyone. But now the only thing that I want to do is to go back and meet everyone again.

The real reason why God’s plan brought me there

There are many things that happened there that I can tell you. I had many experiences there, but for now I want to share something else with you.

God showed me the real reason why I needed to go to Bali just after I came back to Italy. You know I hoped to have a more clear vision of my path. But it didn’t go the way that I hoped. I came back home even more confused about my next steps and I questioned myself why that happened… At the end I understood that I needed to close some opened doors from my past. After the closing of those doors I could go on in my future.

A lot happened in Bali, many things in me changed – many wounds were healed. 

For years I tried to keep my pains secret. I didn’t want to share with people the things that I faced. Any time I felt down or sad I would just hide it and fake a smile. It seemed easiest in that way. I tried to escape from reality for years. You know I was also good at what I was doing. Nobody ever suspected anything – people thought that everything in my life went always good.

What really happened to me that made me feel in pain?

I’m aware that maybe what happened to me wasn’t the worst in this world, but it was still painful. A lot of people hurt me, even those people who were or are still close to me. 
I was so lost in myself that for a few years I was far from God. I tried to hide what I went through even when I served in my church on Sunday morning. I’m sorry now to admit that but most of the time I was faking – I faked that everything was good. As I said before I faked in church, in my family and at school too.

Maybe you’re wondering what passed in my mind, why I faked most of the time… I’m telling you that the answer is fear. I was afraid to speak about my real feelings. It terrified me that people wouldn’t understand me. I was afraid to feel more in pain. The feeling of fear was so relevant in my thoughts and instead of protecting me I hurt myself even more.
A lot of nights I cried before I could sleep. I cried thinking how alone I was. Almost every night I would go with my mind back to where I got hurt. It hurt me because I didn’t forgive. I chose to take with me all the burdens that I didn’t leave at feet of the cross. Anywhere I went I told myself to continue to keep everything for me, but then something changed in Bali. 

So what was God’s plan for me?

 For years I was able to deal with it by myself, but there I couldn’t keep it anymore. I didn’t want to overcome my pains but God gave me the opportunity so I took it. I decided to join DTS for my future, not to go back in my past. then I felt that God told me “Where do you want to go if you’re still attached to your past? What do you want to do if you still can’t forgive?”.

I’ve learned a lot about God, about me and about my relationship with Him. He showed things that I couldn’t see. He healed me from things that I suffered from for years. God took me to Bali to restore my soul. He needed to send me to 12.020 KM away from home to take what was broken and fix it. Now, as I’m writing this, I understand why He did so. I couldn’t heal from here, I needed a complete new place, new people so I couldn’t go back where I got hurt. God is so amazing and He loves us so much. He doesn’t want us to stay in our brokenness, He wants to heal us.

If you feel that God is calling you to do something, then obey it. It will never harm you, but indeed it will be the best thing for your life. There should be no fear because we know He’s with us. God’s plan for your life, is ready for you.